A Beautiful Exchange

I don’t blog here much anymore, but maybe we can change that.

Or maybe not.

I woke up this morning with an immediate desire to pray, which seems rare these days. Trying to push and pull through the emotions that have been swirling all around and within my aura over the past 6 months – okay, let’s be honest – pretty much the past year plus – in order to understand myself and the world better.

I was thinking of the verse which is supposed to give you peace in times of chaos – For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39). I was wondering why that verse doesn’t resound with me as much as I logically think it should.

And while I do believe that nothing can separate me from the love of God (I think), I’m not entirely convinced that the Love of God is the answer. I don’t mean that logically, of course, I can explain that it should with the best theologian that ever walked this earth. But, in reality, it doesn’t still my heart and refocus me on what is important. Since I’m in counseling, I of course tie everything back to my childhood, my parents, my family. In this case, the father – as so many argue – really shapes the way your understanding of God. And if you told me that nothing could separate me from the love of my biological father, I would simply think, “That’s nice.” Because really, it doesn’t mean much to me. He loves me to the best of his ability, I am certain; but it is nothing that will calm the crazy waters when they rage in my soul.

So I began to pray instead for a better understanding of what God’s love is. It is surely a Terrible and Great Existence (I fail in speaking of It because truly, He is It, and I get confused trying to eloquently verbalize all of that); Something which can not be felt within the human soul without some sort of explosion, I imagine, when it really connects. I want to feel that. I want to connect with that. I want to have a soul-emotional-intense understanding of what Love is. And I don’t. So I’m praying for it.

And so I find it beautiful that I downloaded the new Hillsong Live Album, A Beautiful Exchange. I didn’t know it at the time, but the album itself is a series of songs that emphasize how important God’s Love is.

Here is what Joel Houston, who wrote the title track A Beautiful Exchange, stated about the song itself:

The emphasis is on what Christ achieved on the cross… The Great Exchange: ‘Trading His life for our offenses, for our redemption He carried all the blame, breaking the curse of our condition, perfection took our place.’

Initially I thought the song would work as a series of stanzas…and there was another verse that carried the thought of exchange. I knew that the song needed a ‘B’ section and the chorus came to me while surfing…’When only Love could make a way / You gave Your life in a beautiful exchange.’

But was it really a “beautiful” exchange? Is the cross an object of beauty? The cross is a paradoxical symbol – What was a symbol of shame, failure and death is now a symbol of hope, freedom and life. It was messy and ugly in every way – but so were our lives. I love that the title is a paradox of thought.

It seemed necessary to make it clear that what Jesus did on the cross was demonstrate His love and that in response to that demonstration, His desire is for us is to love Him and others in the same way….

I knew the melody was in a strange place for the chorus and though I thought it would work to sing it low (for a boy) it made sense to do it with a girl vocal.

The verses and chorus were now all set and felt like they communicated clearly the “beautiful exchange” that Jesus achieved on the cross; A holy and righteous God stepped down into our shoes to die our death and give us life. The song, however, would not be complete without clearly declaring ‘our’ response. I tried a few different tags, but none seem to really feel right. It wasn’t til’ I was home in Australia and I was driving to sound check that the tag dropped. I wasn’t planning on doing the song, but the entire drive to the church I was singing “Holy are You God, holy is Your Name, with everything I’ve got, my heart will sing “how I love You”.

That is our response and our exchange. To lay down our lives to bring Him glory. Whatever it takes, whatever the cost.

I love it when the theme of prayer is so united with the day before you. When the very thing you need to understand comes rushing at you through the strangest media or avenues.

I don’t understand God’s Love from this. Not even close. It would be ridiculous to think that this album could do so. But it indicated a promise to me that I am on a journey in which I will find an answer. Or many answers. And that the Love of God will explode within the depths of me, even if its not until after death. But the promise exists to let me know that it will happen. I will someday understand. And until I understand, I simply wait. And seek. And fight. And walk away, even.

But I believe.

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